[Always *]

Ok So I have been dealing with issues around ADHD, anxiety and eating disordered behaviours for years now. I have also had problems with depression (ex. I feel horrid, stressed, like I can't possibly get everything done etc. then I get depressed, but that's usually the aftermath and not all the time like hasn't happened for years whereas the issues with anxiety and ED keeps coming back.... I was formally diagnosed with ADHD while in high school but not for anything else. To be honest, I left out information, I never told the psychologist that I wanted to hurt myself because of how unhappy I was, I was afraid if I did he would tell my parents. As far as I was concerned I wasn't actually going to hurt myself so I didn't want the focus taken away from the bigger issue (the fact I had problems with paying attention, focusing on school work etc.). I do feel I should have spoken up, but the urge to self harn was such a small blip in the overall picture that I didn't think it was necessary. But then you get the binging, hiding of food, the urges to purge, restrict etc and always having to work against those feelings. So many people don't understand. They think I work well under presssure, etc. and I do, but I still feel absolutely shitty all the time. I am contantly freaking out about my grades, about doing everything perfectly etc.

So now I want to see a psychologist and I can't afford it. The assessment alone is WAY WAY WAY WAY more money than what I have, there is no way I can possibly pay for it; I only work part time and make about $250 a month, so without my parents help I might be able to pay for 2 sessions in a month, but I think psychological assessments cost about $600 OR MORE and I can't possibly hope to make that much money in a month. I might get $800 in the summer and I also have bills to pay, I have to pay to move to a new city, I have to pay for vehicle expenses etc.

Even though I am still in school I can't imagine the province I live in funding me to see a psychologist; I depend on my parents financially and they make to much money for me to get any governmental support through the educational funds or the funds that support students with disabilities.

Provincial health care won't cover the costs.

My schools health insurance expired yesterday because I have graduated and everything I had there was only valid until May 1 of the year I graduate OR if I keep paying to go to school there. I don't start up at my new school until September so I can't rely on that insurance either (which I control) and I don't think they cover expensive things like psychological assessments any how - it is mostly some dental care and medical stuff that isn't covered by the province like medications and stuff.

But I also REALLY REALLY do not want to have to tell my parents about this. My dad basically thinks ADHD is a bunch of bull shit and is over diagnosed because he's never gotten over the traditional perspective of ADHD (those awful little boys who are incapable of behaving and who everyone hates because they are miserable little fucks who just misbehave bad 24/7) so he can't know under any circumstances, and I think my mom might misunderstand too, it's not like I feel like I have to have a disorder - in fact, I try very hard to say that what I deal with isn't necessarily clinical, my issues with food, weight and anxiety I think are all things that DON'T have to be problems for me, it's just that they've been passing in and out of my life for years now and it's not like a simple matter of will power makes them go away, they're always just things where I succeed and keep working hard despite the fact that those things are encroaching on my life and in my face, and I would like to make it so that, when they're rearing their ugly heads, I can control it better and maybe work through it better instead of having to press onwards like I don't feel anything... So it's hard to tell people that because I don't talk about it and I can't afford it on my own, but I just sort of want to take care of it and not have to involve anyone else.

Does anyone live in Canada (if you want more specifics on location please PM me) and who can please tell me how I caan find a way to afford this without my parents!!!