[mindflower]

I just don't know who I am or why the hell I'm still living.
I honestly am just done with myself!
I started crying, uncontrollably, at dinner. In front of my whole family. And I don't really know why, I think it was just everything. I can't even eat or swallow or talk or sing without feeling like my throat is being impaled. I am not pretty, nor am I talented, nor am I ever the first choice. I ruin other peoples' lives. I am not getting better at all and I want to not go to school ever again until this sickness goes away. I am so stressed with myself and would gladly throw myself under a bus if you asked. I was triggered for much of the day and couldn't stop thinking of why he chose Mimi over me. He chose her because I am a nothing. I hate that my grades suck I hate that I don't know what I want to do with my future I hate that Pat is driving me up a wall I hate that I won't blow my boyfriend I hate that I can't eat my fucking tacos I hate that its raining and I hate, HATE, myself.
I could just do it. I could just cut myself. But I would ruin everything. Like I always do.
You know, I see why people leave me.
I wish I could cry more often, because obviously I need it. I bottle up my problems so much so that people don't abandon me anymore.
Yet I feel so alone and I don't know why.
I don't know why I am this way, or why one minute things can be okay and the next I'm falling apart.
I just can't.
I. JUST. CAN'T.
HEAR THAT WORLD?? I ROYALLY SUCK!