[mindflower]

I shouldn't be complaining but I am because I'm a selfish baby like that.
I keep having these thoughts of what it'd be like to cut myself really really deep and not die (well maybe die) but end up in the hospital just so people would see that I'm not okay and I could see who cares enough to visit me, and I would just feel deep.
I'm just going through the motions, but really, I'm not getting squat better.
I didn't get to see Matthew this weekend, and whatever its fine you know? But I just don't want to lose him, to anything. And I'm just so paranoid that he's still not completely mine to lose.
I hate homework and I hate procrastination fuck. I need a job, or a social life, or something.
I don't want to go back to school.
I feel like I need to complain about not having many followers on tumblr because I'm just that much of a disappointment.
I don't know.
I feel really alone and I don't know what my life is.