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Beth!

Splitting with someone is never easy, especially if you know they were in the wrong. My past relationship wasn't as harsh as yours, it wasn't abusive as such but he did hurt me a lot, he never listened to me, he never paid any attention to me and he was so damned self-absorbed that he couldn't see how depressed I was getting and it was like he didn't care. After I told him I wanted to split with him, for a few days I felt really crappy and to the point where I just wanted to curl in a ball and hope it all goes away. Even though I knew he was the one at fault for our deteriorating relationship, I still felt like the pit of the earth and maybe the decision I made was wrong, that maybe I'll regret it but let me tell you, these feelings do not last for ever. They do go away! The more you spend time away from your past boyfriend the more happier you will feel and the stronger you will become.

Justify to yourself all those reasons for leaving. Don't think about how much you will miss him, think about all the things you won't miss. Think about all the things you won't ever have to put up with again. Remind yourself of all those reasons you chose to split with him and remind yourself that you are better off without him, because you are!

I know the feeling when you want to come talk to someone but then you think to yourself, "I'm probably going to annoy them" or, "They're probably super busy with something else" or, "What if they don't understand" or, "They probably won't be able to help me". All those thoughts have gone through my mind and it stopped me from asking people for help, instead I'd just tell people that I felt great and wonderful, that nothing was wrong and pretend to be happy, but, pretending just makes things worse. If you need to be sad, be sad, do't pretend, and don't fear asking someone for help. Maybe the person you're asking doesn't have all the answers, no one can know everything, but what they can do is that they can listen to you and listening can be very helpful, it can help us to feel like we're not alone. The chances are that on places such as here on TeenHelp, people will listen to you and they will understand because that's what it's here for. If you ever need to talk to someone, even if you feel all those worries and questions coming back to you, do it anyway, message them and ask them for help, or even just start off saying hi and how are you. Chances are you'll always get a message back, and a great, positive one at that.

Losing someone, even if they were horrible to us, it can hurt but it doesn't last forever. Worrying whether or not we'll find someone who will love us, and trusting them can be very hard going, but remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and you will meet someone who will love you for who you are and treat you just the way you have wanted. Remind yourself of all the good things in your future, an abusive past boyfriend is not worth giving it up for, Beth.

Remember, if you ever need anything you're always welcome to message me!