So I may as well make this as short as I can but still state what happened. I'll start from the beginning. I'm 17 years old and when I was 14 I was diagnosed with severe depression because of my dad's constant emotional abuse, the physical and verbal bullying I received at school and sexual harassment by a group of guys at school. My life since then was filled with suicide attempts, overdosing and cutting. Teachers did nothing about the bullying at school so I was left alone. I engaged in counselling after not long and was yoyo-ing with different anti-depressant medications. I got into smoking and occasionally still have a smoke now and then to ease the pain of reality. I've never been a popular girl, people look at me like I'm a freak at school. None of the guys like me there... I decided to try a website that was sort of like a chatroom after a while... (Tagged.com) and I went on there for like a year. I got bored a few weeks ago and went on there again.
I met a really nice guy (or at least he seemed nice) and we agreed to meet up at a public park in town after school. He's 19... and he wanted to meet me again... I guess I was stupid to assume just because he was talking to me nicely and was only two years younger that he couldn't hurt me... He wanted me to spend the weekend with him... I lied to my parents and told them I was going to a friend's for the weekend. I took the bus down to his house and stayed the weekend. Friday night we shared 2 bottles of jack daniels (alcohol) with coke and obviously that effected me physically.... I'd never done drugs before but he asked me if I wanted to try a bong and I guess as I am a teenager I was curious so I did. I remember then going to his bedroom with him expecting to fall asleep and he tugged my pants off, I tried to pull them up, once he got them off, he had his hands pushing mine against the bed, choked me and he raped me....
My grades have dropped since then (failing) and I've been feeling so depressed and having weird flashbacks in my head during the day. I've been cutting constantly and starting going deeper... I feel like I can't handle this anymore, I really want to die now. I just need to. Theres nothing left of me.
I saw a police lady from child protection and she told me that It's normal to feel depressed after losing my virginity and gave me a talk about 'unnatural sex'- it wasn't my choice where he stuck his dick
I didn't want it at all. I told him I didn't want to have sex. I said stop. I was crying..... My mum knows and she says it's my fault and to stop playing victim. I know I screwed up with the lieing where I was and everything but nobody gets it.
I don't want to be here anymore
I need help. I'm all alone now.