You're not overreacting.
First, if these girls are underage or were underage at the time of the pictures, he could get into serious trouble for it.
Second, the girls presumably don't know he's been keeping the pictures and showing them off to friends. If they sent them the photos for him ONLY to view them, he's seriously breeching their trust by showing them to others. The fact that they consented to sending the pictures to one person they were dating at the time does not equal consenting to everyone he knows seeing them naked.
Finally, every relationship has different boundaries! In some relationships this could be fine, in others it wouldn't be, just as in some relationships it's ok for people to see other people and in others it's not. If part of your relationship's boundaries is that you're exclusive with each other and that it's not ok to be looking at naked photos of other people, then what he did was not ok. He should have checked with you, especially given that they were his exes - people he had (probably) an emotional connection with at the time. He should have communicated with you about this, and the fact that he tried to go behind your back speaks volumes. In a good relationship, if there's anything that may not be ok or something then people communicate so they can avoid hurt feelings and be on the same page instead of just hiding it from their partner. Plus, if he really didn't think it was a big deal? He wouldn't have felt the need to hide them from you. If I felt like something I was doing was fine I wouldn't feel the need to hide them from my partner.
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Originally Posted by 8!n4ry8unny
Hmm. Lets see this from a mans perspective.
Theres always the double standard which screws up everything, so lets pretend we are in the normal world.
Your boyfriend (if i get a vote) is not guilty.
He isnt guilty of keeping girls pictures on his phone. I mean, they are just pics. Im guessing you wouldnt want him to have your naked pictures while hes wanking off so why not someone elses? Does it matter really?
Also, showing pics to his friends. Whats wrong with that? I assume you speak with your friends from time to time about the same things. Hot boys that are celebrities, someome saw a hot guy on the beach other day, blablabla. Same thing. If you trust him that he is a nice guy and not an asshole dont whip him for fucks sake.
Hes a guy. Guys like naked women. You just CANNOT restrict him pictures of other women and porn. You just cant do that and expect him to be happy or to trust him on his word that he has none.
Guys are like that. You can either accept it or go to lesbians.
Or find a guy who is addicted to you who wont look anyone else, and if you ask me, thats fucking creepy.
Now, as you may already noticed, majority of this forum are women and girls. They will be on your side. But pretty much 80-90% of guys would be on his side because for us its normal. We arent sexualy restricted like women.
We will speak of how long we wank off, whats the size of our willies (and lie about it of course) and eachother girlfriends if we trust eachother blablabla. Its just normal for us.
Ill repeat: If you trust him not to cheat on you and if you look at him randomly few times a day/week and if he looks happy to you he is happy, let him do things men do...
Only thing i would react on if the pics are of girls faaaaar younger than him. If youre 18 or older and he has pics of 16-17 year old girls im on your side. But if youre 15-16 years old, and he has pics of like porn stars or something like that just leave him be...
Also i saw that you wrote he has pics of his old gfs. Yeah, i do to. That aint weird. If he was/is a player those are like thophies. And if hes a normal guy like me, they are reminders on what he fucked up so he can correct it in this relationship, and what he didnt fuck up so he can continue doing it.
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You're right in that there is a double standard but you're wrong about what that double standard is. I wonder if you'd be as nonchalant if your girlfriend was keeping photos of ex-boyfriends, presumably underage ones, in her phone?
Everything in your post is a huge and I do mean HUGE generalization about men and women. Not all women gossip. Not all men 'need' porn. Maybe you do, that's your business. Also, keeping women as 'trophies'? I can't even begin to fathom why you think that's acceptable, as they are human beings, not exactly the same as a shiny metal cup you win from a competition. They deserve respect.
Also, depending on the terms of their relationship, women gossiping about intimate stuff about their boyfriends (like what they like during sex) could be considered hurtful. Every relationship is different and it's important to have some awareness about it. If a girl's boyfriend would feel hurt by her talking about intimate things to her friends, then that's something she should respect if she does like him and care about his feelings - she should at least check with him if this would be something he'd be ok with her divulging.
Same with this guy and those pics. From the original post it sounds like he was going behind her back with those and was being secretive. If he thought it was ok he wouldn't bother hiding them. If he wasn't sure, he should have communicated with her about the terms of their relationship.
Sneaking behind your partner's back to do things that are hurtful to them and that you seemingly can't communicate with them with is a huge break of trust - no matter what those things may be and no matter what your gender is.
Also, those pictures were presumably sent for him and him alone. Those girls agreeing to him seeing them naked under specific circumstances does not mean they're agreeing to him showing them off to all of his friends. It's basic respect for the boundaries of another human being. This is different from keeping pictures of porn stars in the sense that a porn star who professionaly publishes nude pictures is consenting to those being seen by the public in general, whereas someone who sends a photo to their partner is not necessarily consenting to all of their partner's friends seeing that picture. I know I wouldn't do that to anyone I've dated or may date in the future regardless of that person's gender.
Finally, 'go to lesbians'? Really? You don't think lesbians have a sex drive at all, that they don't watch porn, etc.?