[house-of-usher]

Oh my gosh!!! I am so weak. I have tried everything in my power to stay clean, but I have gone back to the same old same old. I thought that when I hut myself as bad as I did that I would stop self harming because it scared the crap out of me, but no. I have gone back to hurting myself and it got bad again like last time, well not as bad as last time because I did not have as much time to hurt myself as much as I wanted to. I really do not know what to do. Many people, including people on this site, have told me that I should tell my psychiatrist and my parents, but I can not bring myself to do it. I must be a fool or something. I believe that I will be okay even though I have been doing this to myself. I have even tried to commit suicide again, but thank God in Heaven that I stopped myself before I could have taken what I wanted to do any further.
I just do not know if I should trust anyone with anything that I have been going through. I fear that people will become scared and smothering. I guess I just fear being helped because I have this notion that I can solve everything on my own. I do not know who to trust and if people actually care about me, or if it is just a lie. It all just hurts me so much and I would rather just be dead because I know that no one would miss me. Well as usual my parents and siblings would miss me and so would some family members, but no one else would care that I am gone. I really have no reason to live that I can think of. I really just want to give up and be done with all of this crap.