[Azure.]

Hi there!

It seems like you're in a really rough situation. I'm really sorry that you've been dealing with all of this relationship stress and on top of that, you've been struggling with depression. It's great that you're going to see a therapist soon! I think that will really help. I think you should definitely keep pushing for a therapist until you get one. Have you talked to your parents or someone else you trust about how you've been feeling? Suicidal thought are not good things, so you should seek support on those issues along with the depression. It's great that you stopped self harming, though.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about the feelings you've been having? Maybe it would be helpful for him to know what you're going through. Communication is really important in relationships, so I suggest talking to him about the depression and the confusion. Also, I think it would be good to have an even bigger support system by talking to your boyfriend and other trusted people about how you're struggling.

I'm that you had such a bad year. But, again, it's really great that you're going to go to a therapist to get some help. You should be really proud of yourself for taking that scary step. Here is a list of hotlines for you to check out if you need to talk through your feelings. I also suggest that you participate in some clubs, activities, or sports to get out of the house and have some fun. I hope this helped and I wish you the best.