[RandomGirly]

Self-harm is becoming to difficult for me to explain. I'm finding it hard for me to understand myself. I do it to get away from everything. I do it to have control. I do it because I hate myself. Me hating myself has lead to me to have suicidal thoughts. I am scared I might at some point... (I'm not sure if that is normal) I have however almost did like 3 time.... because the thoughts of doing it got so intense.

I started to self-harm again (previously I made it 7 days) a few days ago. And I feel that this time I'm not going to be able to just stop. There is something about it that is different. It's not really hurting anymore... I have started to use scissors and been having thoughts of switching to a blade. (I don't understand why I think like this)

I don't want to go to a mental hospital... so I don't really tell anyone about my thoughts... I just don't really know what to do anymore...