[mindflower]

I can't take this family anymore.
My dad kicked my mom out.
More secrets more lies more secrets more lies.
She's been seeing a what??? A psychic? What the hell?
Oh, and great, Nicole's in on the game now too?
Statements, finances, 50/50 crap I don't understand.
And then there's her stupid phone with her stupid FaceTime. Should've known that's how she's talking to Kraig still.
And now she's gone. But she'll be back. My dad will let her walk all over him and us, again.
I can't... I can't.....
I want Matthew to be here, to hold me, to hug me, to make me laugh and tell me that everything is going to be fine.
But it's not going to be fine, is it....
Even he's going to leave me. I can't blow him like I'm sure he wants. I'm too scarred by Patrick, the pain and trying so hard for him, just to be his drug...
I just want Matthew to love me. I don't know... I can't lose him. Not again.
Anyways... Been so long without hurting myself, I wish I just could, everywhere, all over my arms, and not have anyone care. I feel so beautiful with cuts on me....
I wish I could be pretty for him.
I wish I could be enough for my mom to stay, and not be so horrible.
I wish my grades weren't so horrible.
I wish.
But it won't happen. My life is destined for disaster.
Someone just tell me it's going to be okay