[shadowcat]

Originally Posted by Ambiance

Question one: I feel like I will always love him, and not in a friend or brother type of way; he's told me this as well. I never felt that way with my first ex, and I definitely never told him anything of the sort. This thinking results in delusions of us getting back together someday, or like get married in the long run, but a reality check usually brings me back to the conclusion that I don't ever want to be with him again. Are these normal feelings to have? Can you "always" love someone like that, but keep it on the backburner if you know it will never work out?

Yes, these are normal feelings to have. For example, I got into a random relationship (to be specific, my first relationship) in 2010 that turned out to be more serious than I expected it to be in the beginning and I've been dwelling on it ever since. Especially since the guy and I had an unhealthy relationship near the end of our first breakup, and then we ended it mutually the second time around but I still love him more than I've ever loved anyone else. Especially since he's still there for me as a really close friend. Even though we've been broken up since 2011, we still talk about how we're each others soulmates and that we'll inevitably end up together (and married) in the end. This makes it hard on me since he doesn't want any new relationships (and hasn't had one since our breakup) but I have to deal with it even though we both know it probably wouldn't work out since we have issues we just can't seem to get past. So yes, you can always love someone like that. Whether you can put it on the backburner is dependent on you.

Originally Posted by Ambiance

Question two: I moved away a couple of states a few months ago. I told him I would need some space and maybe if I moved back--it was completely up in the air whether I was planning to or not--we could start over. But that he shouldn't count on it and I didn't want him to like wait for me or anything. He was contacting me too frequently, given that I told him I needed space, and I finally told him that we just can't talk. We had planned to meet up for coffee or something when I am visiting back home, which will be in a monthish, and I'm not sure whether this is a good idea or not? I feel like it would be an opportunity to really say goodbye in person and give him some closure on the fact that it's really over, but would this really benefit us?

I think this part is purely up to you. I feel it could possibly benefit both of you and give you that closure you're looking for as long as you don't give any mixed signals during the conversation that takes place (saying the simplest things like "I miss you" could really keep him on this idea of your relationship, I've learned this from past experiences). Otherwise, I don't see the problem with it because -- and I know this is a terrible way to phrase this, but -- could it really get much worse? If worse comes to worst you can always take the necessary measures to have him leave you alone by not answering his messages 24/7, and maybe that could help with the process.

Originally Posted by Ambiance

Question three: Can you ever really be friends with someone who f*cked you over?

No, not really. I've learned this the hard way. Either they'll do it again and/or they'll just keep coming into your life as a sour reminder if you let them. After reading what you wrote for question three, I feel it would be best if you two parted ways. Maybe you could forgive him later on in life, but you need to focus on what's best for you. If that involves moving on and ceasing contact with him, do what you need to do to get your point across. I'm sorry he's such an a**wipe (are we allowed to swear? I dunno so I bleeped it out).

Originally Posted by Ambiance

Question four: I don't want this to happen again, and I really feel that I am a lot wiser about how to handle things this time around, but I guess I'm unsure of whether there's some amount of time that I need to wait anyway to ensure this won't happen? Is there really any amount of time that would make it okay, if I feel like I'll always love my ex to some extent?

There's no set amount of time to start dating again. If you wanted to, you could've started dating again the day after all that crap went down. But truly, it's dependent on when you are ready to hop back into dating. To be quite frankly honest, you can't really ensure this won't happen again because people and relationships alike are pretty unpredictable for the most part. It's one thing to love your ex to an extent, and another to get with another person and string them along because you love your ex more. It's another thing if you still have feelings for your ex but you can move on and you love someone else. Does that make sense? I don't know if it does. I'm running on a no sleep kick right now so this is probably a bunch of mumbo jumbo. But I hope I could help you to some extent.