[bitesize]

So bollocks, I full-on fancy you now, as I realised last night when I was talking to you in work. I'd love to have been able to kiss you. And you obviously like me too - from telling me you were thrilled to have cheered me up to keeping up our chat conversation to talking to me at the bar to coming back for more glasses of water later (and I caught you smiling when you looked at me) to coming into the restaurant to talk to me afterwards to offering us a lift home...you live in KnockfrickinLyon!! I wish you weren't making it so obvious because this has all just happened in a couple of days and you know I have a boyfriend and I don't know how to ease off the intensity of this. But I do quite like you as well.

I have a text from you that I'm putting off reading because it's going to make me feel crap and I'm just so apathetic about the whole situation. I didn't cheat on you, I tried a drug. A third of a drug. And obviously I don't want to do things that upset you but I don't regret this - it was my own choice to make. I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like I'm 'not allowed' to do things. Of course I love you, I love so much and your opinion means a lot to me and I respect you and would never want to hurt you... but I'm annoyed that you just can't seem to get your head around this. Honestly it doesn't feel like a big thing to me, what stands out to me more about my week is that one of the other staff told me they wanted to kiss me the other night. I've practically forgotten about what I did on Friday and it didn't feel wrong at the time, doesn't feel wrong now, I'm never going to regret it.