Wallflower and Taylala have hit the nail on the head, really. Firstly, you need to discuss this with your wife-to-be properly and clear the air - as Wallflower says, it's not fair for her to tell you to "get over it" as such, and you don't want this hanging over your head when you're about to say your vows. Secondly, you should seek professional help to work through this if at all possible - it's clearly causing you a lot of trauma, and in light of the "property" comment that's coming out in a very unhealthy way for your future matrimonial life together. Giving it a bit of time and emotional investment to work through properly will benefit you both in the long run. Thirdly, I would say don't be so hung up about the virginity aspect of it - my girlfriend wasn't a virgin when we met and started dating, so likewise I'm never going to experience being her "first", but it really doesn't matter frankly. She is with me and we are committed to each other, and that is what counts.
Finally, as has been said, if you are genuinely uncomfortable having this guy at the wedding (and I can certainly understand why) then you don't have to have him there. Your wife-to-be should understand the reasons why in the context. As Taylala says, though, the main thing is to focus on addressing the effect this is having on you, as it's the best way forward.
Hope some of that helps and take care.
