[lilyadele]

I'm worried I might be developing an eating disorder. I am 16 years old and I only weigh [EDITED] but I have always been underweight for my age. I've always eaten anything and everything I wanted and I really never gain any weight and my friends are always jealous of me because of it. I've never had a problem with my body until recently, like maybe in the past 9 months.
Once I hit puberty I got a little hips, which is fine, but I also got really big upper thighs and I feel like I look like a squash. I kept thinking these untrue things about my body. But I never really did anything about it at first. I still ate whatever I wanted to. But in the back of my mind I always told myself, "If I reach [EDITED] I'll just starve myself". That was sort of my logic behind it.
But just in the past few months I've been getting really aware of everything I eat. I always look at nutrition labels. I get depressed an regretful after I eat a lot. I always thought about being anorexic but then I realized I have no self control. So instead I made myself throw up last week. And just two nights ago I did it again. I will eat so much junk food until I get sick and feel like I have to get it all out. And then after I throw up I will continue to eat more. I just now ate some fruit, and then I was still hungry so I ate cereal, and then I went right for the potato chips and now I feel disgusting and I'm contemplating throwing up again.
In my mind I don't see it as an eating disorder, I see it as me just making myself feel better because I've eaten too much. It's less about me having a problem about my body and more of me having a problem with food. It doesn't make sense to me. I think I need help.