[Silenus]

I'm with a beautiful girl with a great personality, and we care about each other very much. I've known her my whole life, and this summer she'll be my wife. Unfortunately there's something troubling me. We have talked about it, but nothing she does or says really helps. I just can't get over it.

A couple of years back she had a sex date with someone in order to lose her virginity. We were not together then, but she didn't dare go alone, so she brought me with her. The guy is actually a distant relative of mine, and is much older than both of us. Well, they talked for a while in the couch, and eventually she gave him a stupid and awkward blowjob. They discussed how they would do it. She just wanted to have sex in order to get it over with, she wanted it to be sexual but not personal in any way. He suggested he could take her from behind, and made her stand by a table. As they were getting ready I asked if I should give them some privacy, but he told me I could learn from watching the act. So I watched. [edit] The second time was more successful and longer lasting, but really, really vulgar. [edit] The rest was pretty uneventfull. She pulled her pants up, thanked him for the sex, and had a short conversation with him, before she wanted to leave. They hugged briefly, and I followed her home on the subway. She was really sore when she walked, and needed to take a pill against pregnancy.

I admitt that it was kind of a turn on to watch them have sex, but it feels terrible to know that she lost her virginity in such a sleazy and explicit way. It feels like my property has been intruded upon. Yeah, I realize that "everybody has a past" and that I'm lucky to have her. It would have been better if it was with a previous boyfriend or something, then it would be on more equal terms. I'm also sad I'll never get to take a virginity. It's terrible that the guy knows I'm with her, and knows the feeling of having been inside her and being pressed up against her. I mean, I watched all that. The worst part is, that he might be there at the wedding, and I can't really stop him. It would look really weird if I were to deny him. Nobody knows about this, but my bride in white would actually have been had by someone in the room. She says it's just a mistake she made when she was experimenting, and that I should try to forget about it, but I really can't. No matter what I do, I can't get the slapping sounds against her buttocks out of my mind, or the sight of another man enjoying himself inside my wife to be. Is there any way I can make peace with this?