[Dream]

The pills probably wont fix you, so I think you're in the right to not want to rely on them. I went off of antidepressants when the doc told me I'd have to take them for at least two more years to get them to work.

Your brain might not be making enough of the neurotransmitters you need, but the pills don't make it produce more. What they do is to prevent the reuptake of them (if you're on any sort of reuptake inhibitor like an SSRI or SSNRI), but that only goes so far if you don't have enough in the first place. The pills treat the symptoms, but they don't treat the causes.

I think you need to find out what is really making you depressed and work on it. Is it diet? Is it loneliness? Have a lot of bad things happened? There are a lot of things that can contribute to it even if your life is otherwise good at the moment. Managing those things will help. For longstanding depression not tied to specific events, I've found that diet is the most important thing to improve depression. To get your brain to make more of the chemicals it needs, you need to eat adequate protein. And to get energy, you need fatty acids. Most people eat a large portion of their calories as complex carbs and sugars, and that can really contribute to depression.

I don't think your brain is broken. You just need to figure out what you need, what the real issues are, and fixing those things should help you feel better.