[Zemie]

Ok so I'm like 100% sure that I am transgender and that is basically the root of all of other problems but I'm not out to anyone, because I just don't know, like I'm scared or something. My family are all really open minded and I really don't have any fear that they would like be super upset or angry or anything but I dunno. It just seems like I can't do it. My friends are all really open minded too and I could tell them but like again I just don't know why but it seems like I can't. Like I don't know if it's exactly anxiety because I've never been to like a doctor for anything and I've never been on any medication but anyway I have like this huge problem where I feel uncomfortable all the time and I feel like I look weird or something all the time and people are staring at me, like I don't even like the feeling of my clothes touching me and like when I'm at school or in public or anything I get really nervous and feel like I'm going to freak out or something. I'm really short too and it makes me feel awful and a lot of the time I can't stop thinking about it. It got so bad where this one time last year at school we had to line up for yearbook photos and my friend wouldn't shut up about how I was near the back of the line because I'm so short and I got really upset and I hit my head against the wall really hard a couple times and then I felt really disoriented for the rest of the day but I havent done anything like that for a while. And like a lot of the time when people talk to me like my brain just stops working and I can't think of anything at all to say and i don't know what to do. Even like talking to people online or texting is difficult because i can never decide like how I want the words or get myself to push send. And I take like all ap classes and I've had so much homework lately and I've been under like so much stress like today my parents made me sign up for an SAT in may and I have to take the driving classes soon to get my license and idk it just feels like I'm drowning sometimes kind of and like it never ends

Sorry if this is like a huge rant and doesn't make any sense I don't know it just seems like this has all been getting worse lately and I don't know what to do.