Hey Esme. Sorry it's taken me ten days to see this thread. I hope you've already found the help you need, but I'm here if you haven't.
First off, your troubles with how you identify. I can't speak for ALL people in your shoes, but for me personally, they're pretty normal. I can sometimes be the WORST at mentally misgendering myself. It doesn't invalidate what you feel, and doesn't make you any less female. Just give it time, your brain has been wired incorrectly to think of yourself as male. That'll start to fade in time, especially when you're "out" and female to everyone around you.
As for surgeries and operations, I'm going to
PM you about that, as there are probably specific questions you have and I don't want to dump too much info on you all at once. I'll give some basic info here. There are three general types of surgery that people who are transgender choose to get. Breast augmentation surgery, Facial Feminization Surgery, and Sexual Reassignment Surgery. Of these, sexual reassignment is general considered "The Surgery" although the other two are common as well. Facial Feminization surgery will cost you the most money, and can have varying results, so it's best to research that thoroughly if you're considering it. (I haven't, as I am not considering it.)
There are a few other processes and procedures that most trans people go through. Hormone Replacement Therapy, Electrolysis or some other form of facial hair removal, and a trachea shave, which I didn't include in the major surgeries section because from what I've read, most people usually get it "added on" to a larger surgery, as it takes very little time. (I had it done separately and it took them a little over an hour.)
Hope this helps!