[mindflower]

I can't fucking take it!
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE I DON'T THINK I CAN LIVE THIS LIFE ANYMORE BEING SO SCARED AND RECKLESS AND WORTHLESS.
I just can't fight this fight.
My leg hurts from cutting again after I thought I was going to last. I have a perfect boyfriend and my family is all in town and I was doing pretty good, 1 Month self harm free and then fuck it I can't even make it through one silly trigger and bam I have to talk myself out of sawing my arm off or putting a fucking rope around my neck!
Why can't I just be happy! It was just Christmas! I got a phone and some beats and a lot of band merch and my family is in town and my boyfriend might actually like me but honestly it's too dark in my head to let any of that stuff matter.
Matthew wants me dead. Mimi doesn't want me to be her friend anymore. Jack and Cody and god knows who else hate me. My parents are fighting more than ever. My boyfriend is talking to me less and less and I'm scared I'm losing him. My family doesn't understand, my friends don't, hell I'm not even sure TeenHelp understands me anymore because here I am complaining when I should just. Be. Happy.
I hate myself every single second and actually want to leave this life behind. I don't think I deserve love, or happiness, or the air I'm breathing anymore. I just don't give a shit what happens to me, if I die tomorrow I don't want anyone to care or cry or even notice that I'm gone. I just want to hide under my bed and never come out because I know no one will miss me. I'd be doing this world a favor because really I'm such a piece of shit that I'm too worthless for anything above existence.