[Kate*]

I'm trying to believe that, if this doesn't work out the world doesn't fall apart, but if it doesn't work out I will be left:
Without a chance at my dream degree from a place and program that I swear was BUILT for me
Without prospects
Without an income
With debt so deep it's over your head (that I will have racked up for no reason)
and No insurance
Just in time for my birthday
and as much as you'll say you want to help, I won't be your student anymore so it won't be your job. And I wouldn't let you anyway because I know the truth will be that you don't want to, it's just something you have to say, and that I am wasting your time.

I've never felt like I fit anywhere and I FIT here, if it can't work here, it can't work anywhere. My life will be over and we will both know it because I will actually have to say this to you. Even if you tried to get me help, the lack of insurance and income would mean that it could never happen.

I don't know how you are allowed to be where you are doing what you're doing. I may be one of the few people who doesn't like you, but I have WITNESSES that will back me when I say that I have good reason not to, and that you didn't like me either. You don't have to like me, but you didn't have the right to say the things you said and I don't understand why there have been no consequences for you while I sit in his office getting threats instead of help. I mean I can accept that I'm not ready, hell I'm the one who told you that! How you saying "when you feel like you know everything, that's when patients die" happened or was appropriate response in that situation I have NO IDEA!

I get along with 99.9% of people, there just happen to be 2 that I can't stand; and one I like as a person, but she confronted too soon and her theory doesn't work on me.

You got onto me for constantly defending myself, but you know what? When you have been through the s*** I've been through and dealt with the people I've dealt with, you have to do that to avoid feeling like a completely WORTHLESS waste of space who was put on earth to be hurt and can't even EXIST correctly, let alone do anything right or say anything halfway intelligent. The way you treated me didn't help. Stop giving me every reason in the world to defend my RIGHTS to respect and choice of career and I'll stop doing it.

Thank you for telling me that I'm not stupid, you aren't the first person to tell me that, but I can't "stop being so hard on yourself" because every time I try I get feedback as proof that I seriously overestimate and therefore I'm clearly not being hard enough on myself. Sometimes I think I shouldn't bother having dreams, I'll never get anything that I want. I'll just waste time, money, and energy getting as close as I possibly can to having it all only to watch it crumble beneath my feet or blow up in my face; just like I was always convinced that it would. A classic combination of the fact that I don't deserve it and even if I did, I couldn't do anything right to have it happen for me anyway and that would serve as evidence to beat myself up.