[CrimsonLines]

So my cutting is out of control. I cut multiple times a day. My arms, legs, and stomach are covered in cuts. I have run out of places to cut so now I am cutting over my old cuts. I don't have a therapist as of now because I am still on a waiting list. I have no one to talk to about everything that is going on in my life. I can't go to my mother because she thinks that I have stopped cutting and that I am perfectly fine. I think about suicide almost everyday. It seems that it is the only way to escape this horrible pain that I feel tugging at my heart and mind. Throughout this year, I have been admitted into the hospital four times now for a total of five months. In my mind I am debating whether I should go to the hospital or not. I am scared to go because that will mean I have to go to my mom and tell her everything. I am getting desperate for help though. I'm scared that I am going to do something stupid either by cutting too deep or by taking my own life by the means of an overdose. I don't want to worry my family again so I find it is easier to keep all of my feeling to myself. I feel as though my family would be disappointed in me if I went back to the hospital because they think I am doing fine, for I hide behind a smile. I don't know what to do. Should I keep quiet or should I reach out.