This is the worst month of the year... This is my first Christmas season without my mom and this was her favorite season and mine... Currently my dad left to china yesterday .... He's coming back a few fays before Christmas. Like I was prepared , I knew this was going to be difficult. But i've just never felt so depressed and lonely before in my life
everywhere I look something reminds me of my mom and how "happy and normal" I used to be... It's getting so hard . Even though I know what the affect of my moms suicide in the family has done... I still feel like doing it. I feel like a terrible person for even considering it , but it would be such a simpler way out . I try to talk to others but my dad has brainwashed everyone I know to believe that im a "compulsive" liar and that I make things up ... I believe it was a week ago , but I got two new blades and I just kept on cutting and cutting on wrists. I was planning on bleeding to death , I hit one vein and there was just blood everywhere .. I was just sitting there letting the blood go everywhere... Something made me stop the bleeding though .. I dont know why I stopped but I did. Ever since that night I just hate myself more and more
I dont know what to do with myself..