[Beetlejuice]

Well I guess I'm not so much looking for answers, I just thought that writing it down might help me get it straight in my head and maybe relax for a while about it. (*Edit* I did decide to add a couple of questions r.e. abortions at the end of this, but please if you are anti abortion, do not respond to this, I really do respect your point of view, but this is really difficult time and it would only be of detriment to myself)

The worst possible thing about this is the waiting, the not knowing. It's driving me a little crazy.

I've just started Uni and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now. My moving to a different city to pursue my course has forced us to become long distance, which we were dealing with fine, we have a very strong and durable relationship and we've been long distance before so it's manageable.

When I finally got to see him after a long time of being apart we got careless and ended up having unprotected sex (although he pulled out before he came). I understand this can be enough to get someone pregnant and, as I needed to go to my doctor to discuss going back on some form of contraception (as I have tried a few different types and they haven't worked out) I decided to go the next day and get the morning after pill while I was there.

I discussed the matter with my doctor and whilst there she tested me to see if I was pregnant and it came back negative (which was a relief but as the test doesn't cover the most recent two weeks, not a great one) so she prescribed me the morning after pill and the mini pill.

Now straight after this my boyfriend and I went into town to pick up the prescriptions and I took the morning after pill the moment we left the chemist.

My concern is that a large portion of women get spotting after taking it and I had absolutely nothing, just a few cramps and not particularly bad ones either. Now I know there are some women who do not spot after taking it, but it's still caused me some concern. My doctor did say to wait until my proper period (not the spotting) to start the mini pill but I have yet to come on so can neither start my contraception or find out if i'm pregnant yet.

Now one of the previous forms of contraception I've been on was the injection and I know it can take 6 months to wear off before you are fully back to normal, so it could still be affecting my periods which is why I am so late (or maybe the stress of leaving home for a new city etc, i've missed one before because of it). But I'm still, understandably, worried.

I've decided to go back to the Doctors in two weeks time (as then they'll be able to tell if I truly am pregnant) if I have not yet started my period.

I would like to add, my boyfriend is fantastic. I know he will be there for me no matter the out come and is incredibly worried about me and wants to be here for me. I feel a lot better about this knowing that he'll help me through this. but as I've said, it's the having to wait that's torturous.

My real concern is that, if I am pregnant, I am not in a position to be able to have a baby. Financially or mentally. I know that abortion is a truly horrible and traumatic event for a woman to go through, but I really would have no other option if I were pregnant (and please, if you are anti abortion, do not respond to this, I really do respect your point of view as I've said, but this is really difficult time and it would only be of detriment to myself).

I guess my real question is, has anyone here had an abortion? (fuck I hate that word so much, it's so brutal and militant). If so what was your experience like? Has it changed you? Do you regret it? (please feel free to respond if someone close to you has and you'd answer about them) I have an awful lot of questions about it and a response of any sort with any information regarding the subject would help.

I know abortion is a really touchy subject, but I'd really appreciate any responses to what I've written, related to the questions or anything else in there. Thanks