[mindflower]

I don't know if you want to talk to me anymore if you would give a shit if I did or if you'd notice if I fell off the face of the Earth or if you just want me to disappear completely, but I think you need to know some things. For starters, yes, I'm mad at you, but I'm more mad at myself for believing you'd be different. Like I believed the other guys, I believed you too and there's good reason I did so; because you and I have too much in common and frankly we needed each other. When I found out about you and that other girl, it broke me and it felt like I had lost you when really you weren't mine to lose. I felt disgusting and used and vulnerable on a whole new level when with you, I used to feel very safe and understood. And now I miss you terribly but I have to tell myself not to because you've changed too much and you slept with someone else. You did the one thing I didn't want to do, you told me it was okay that I was with you because we had something, and then you go and fuck this other girl and probably tell her the same shit. But another thing you should probably no, is that what I told you, about my life, and what I told you about yours, was all true. You are amazing, and strong, and good-looking in ways I can't explain, and you saved my life in certain ways other people can't. I only hope I helped you in some ways, but now I see you and you look miserable but I'm miserable too so I try to tell myself you deserve it but at the same time... I know you need saving... you need love. But you didn't come to me for it. And that's where it hurts. I'm sure many other girls are in the same spot I was, minus the fact that we had something destructive in common, and you have probably forgotten about me as have your friends and I have my guy and though he doesn't make me happy enough to live he's keeping me here as best he can... so I don't know what's gonna happen from here but I don't see any reason you'd want me anymore....