[Catharsis.]

I'm really in need of some advice here, I'm not sure what to do.

I've struggled with severe social anxiety for a long, long time. I thought I'd been getting better at managing it. But I simply have not. It's gotten to the point where talking to almost is absolutely horrible and painful. I come away from any conversation feeling like a tool, no matter what happened. I stammer, I stutter, I don't know what to say and I look at the ground and start mumbling. I can't handle people, I'm too bad around them. I'm not cool enough, I'm not funny enough, I'm not intelligent enough, none of that. It really, really triggers me. Today, I tried to talk, but I couldn't. I stammered and just couldn't say anything after that, my mind went blank and everyone was looking. I really wanted to go home and slash myself to pieces. I felt like such a failure. Such an idiot. It happens every time.

Outside of my family, I have one person I feel truly at ease with, and she has helped me build up my confidence a little, and I made some progress over the summer. But that's been erased by recent downfalls, and, even with confidence, my social skills suck. I can't maintain a conversation, on the rare occasion I succeed in starting one. I just don't know what to say, and I can't keep the other person interested in anything else but what a loser I am.

It really fucking sucks. I'm never, ever going to be able to overcome this. I was only lucky that one person stuck with me, otherwise, I'd have no-one, because the sad truth is, very few people want to be around someone who suffers from social anxiety. To the vast majority of people, I'll always come across as a pathetic beta. And people don't want to be around people like that.

What can I do? I can't live like this. I can't come home and feel like crying or cutting every day. I'm hating myself more and more because of it. I'm already on medication, but not for this specifically. I was prescribed Fluoxetine/Prozac for depression over the summer, however, it is also used to treat social anxiety, and it did help for a short while, but it's no longer having any effect, as both issues are getting worse. Do you think I could talk to CAMHS about changing to a different medication? I am going to therapy, but what we've covered regarding my social anxiety hasn't helped, really. Does anyone have any ideas? It would be much appreciated.