[Coffee.]

My best friend has described me as "masochistically overcommitted." I mean, I don't think it's that bad. I know people worse than I am. Background knowledge for anybody that doesn't know me, I'm a full time college student (currently only 16 credit hours, or five classes, so not "overtime" or anything), I have two part-time jobs (only about 25-35 hours a week between both of them), I have a leadership position in three on-campus organizations, I'm a member of four others, I recently became a campus rep for a nonprofit organization, and I am the team captain for my school's team for a fundraising walk. I'm also currently applying to be in an honors society for my major. And then TeenHelp. I was talking to my best friend about how I'm such a terrible candidate for graduate school because I don't have research and how I need to apply to research labs, and he basically yelled at me saying that I have enough shit to do already.

Am I actually overcommitted? I've recently started graduate school preparation, and the graduate school I want to go to is an ivy-league school that I feel I have no chance of getting into unless I seriously get straight A's for the rest of my life (currently have a 3.8 GPA...which is above average for the graduate school's admissions, but I go to a public university, so I feel they're simply going to assume our GPAs are more positively skewed or something. I don't know. I just never feel it's good enough. ), do everything I'm doing, get into one or two research labs before I graduate, and do awesome on the GRE. But I'm going to fail the GRE, or at least the quantitative (math/logic) section because I can't do math. So I need to do everything 10x better than a regular person because I need to prove myself.

I mean, I'm getting enough sleep every night, usually 6-8 hours. I don't have a social life, but I didn't have one of those when I wasn't as busy. But I make time for myself...at least an hour each day is spent watching Youtube videos, in TeenHelp chat, you know, relaxing. I'm not exercising enough, but once again, wasn't doing that when I wasn't as busy. I feel like I'm staying fairly sane, with a breakdown from pressure every month or so, but...that's normal in college, right? Or at least out of a college student already dealing with mental illness? On that topic, I did stop seeing a counselor because I didn't have time. Felt bad since I promised my previous counselor I'd continue...But it wasn't helping me much anyway.

Ugh. I guess I just need some advice on if I'm actually overcommitted and if so...is there anything I can actually do about it without putting myself at risk for denial from my dream school? Or a school? Or...something? I don't know. I think I wanted to rant more than anything.