Ever heard the latin expression "
In vino veritas"? Meaning: "I wine, there is truth." So any feeling of depression is highlighted during and/or after you've drank. I'm not going to pretend like I'm a saint. I also drank when I was on and off meds. I also hardly ever binged simply because I knew there may be limitations on my habits due to my actions post-binge. The med-companies have to cover themselves by saying "Alcohol CAN cause depression", just like a cat CAN have only one kitten....but you WILL have a whole army of them! People respond differently,but depression and alcohol is a bad idea. Like you said, the side-effects of the anti-dep outweighed the benifits. I know people who go manic on Zoloft, but I also know people that vomit on only 50mg,but point is,even though alcohol MAY BE a depressant, nowhere will you read alcohol IS an anti-depressant.With all the anti-deps on the market its hard to believe they didnt try another.Trial and error,usually victory though...Youre creating neuropathways that are going to be hell to "reruite" once your brain has learned : Alcohol......seritonin spike!(but bugger the other 99.9999% when I was seritonin-starved.Think of how long you where actually happy?And think of how much of it was just to numb.This learning behaviour also brings up the other neuro-receptor we all love, Dopamine. This little guy acts as your reward-mechanism. When you eat your favourite food...thats dopamine!When you drained your bladder....thats dopamine!You get the idea. Also "depleated" after drinking.
Typically people respond in three ways if on meds and drinking:
1.Extreme relaxation (making your name .....!)
2.Panic attacks (Zoloft springs to mind)
3.Sick.The type of sick you never want to think about being ever again.
So I'm just talking from personal experiences and trying to redirect you from creating a negatively feuled brain striving for a destructive chemical.
Hope some of this helps.