So I used to self harm for the longest time and I honestly tried to talk to my parents about it since they, in my mind, where a big reason as to why i do that... but they told me that i did it because of the two recent things that happened. this was all around december 2011 january 2012. my dog that i grew up with had just passed away in my arms and then about a month lately my first boyfriend had broken up with me. they told me that both of those things were the cause of my acting out, and it wasnt. i told them that they were the reason and the way they treat me. and they wouldnt listen. wellll april i met my boyfriend now. we are an LDR(long distance) couple and he is about 500 miles away and he didnt know i cut... well we began dating in june and i figured it was time to tell him the two things i never wanted anyone to know... i was raped at the age of 17 during the summer of 2011... which is a small but important reason why i cut... and then i told him that sorta lead to cutting more and worse than before... at first it was once in a while and not at all bad. then the rape happened and it got worse. after i told him that, he began crying... it broke my heart to see him cry then he went on to say that he wanted me to stop because he never wanted to lose me. so i began crying because i had already broken his heart and then promised to not do it anymore.... that was a year and four months ago(about). four months ago, he broke up with me... we still talk and i have relapsed three times now... but he doesnt know it.... i have stopped for now but i have the biggest urge to just cut and cut till i bleed out... things have been soooo hard on me lately more than ever plus he broke up with me.... it just sucks.... i want to cut but i dont want to relapse again.... and i have no one to talk to about any of this... and i just feel so lonely towards all of it...
