Hi guys.
So, I'm facing a ton of extreme loneliness and have been for quite a while, at least a year...
Each school year, I'm losing more and more friends. And it's not so much that we have a falling out, it's just that they find other people and other groups to hang out with and they leave. And that'd be fine, except... I never found my own group. Everyone's finding out who they belong with- the theater kids, the chorus kids, the athletic kids. And I find absolutely no one. I've done many school activities in the past and plan on doing many more this year. I'm always in band, no one seems to like me there. I've done clubs and never made any lasting friendships there. In chorus, no one really liked me. I've only truly got two people left and I don't even count them, because one doesn't consider me as much of a friend as I considered her and the other has been turning into a jerk these past few months and won't change despite seeing me get hurt. I only stick around cuz they're the closest to friends that I have. Do I have people I'm friendly with? Sure, but no one I can consider a "friend."
It really bums me out and adds to all the stress and how down I've been feeling. Throughout my life I've never fit in anywhere, never really had lasting groups of friends... And I'm convinced everyone hates me. All this adds to my crippling my low self esteem. I'm really, really hurt and lonely... No matter what I've done I've never made a good friend really. My parents can't afford to send me to lessons for something outside of school, and my rec center doesn't offer any interesting opportunities. And like I said, nothing through school has ever given me a lasting friendship. I do try to be nice to people and like I've said I'm friendly with a ton of people, but it never goes beyond that- a person I'm just nice to.
My parents never really let me have people over, and there's no where in walking distance from my house that I could offer to meet people from school at. And I hate asking my grandmother (who is at the house more often than my working parents) to drive me places, because she's a little old lady who frankly, isn't exactly a good driver anyway.
I'm just so lost... Any ideas...?
