Hey, good job! I've suggested some edits and cleaned up the formatting a bit. There are still some areas I'm not sure about (I read somewhere that it is preferred that articles be written in third person -- I don't know if this is correct or not?), so if others would like to jump in, cool. But I love the idea for this article and I think it's extremely important.


Self-harm is often a private matter, regardless of the form., and letting someone in on something so personal is never easy. If you feel like you’re ready to tell someone, such as a friend, parent, or partner, but you’re not sure where to begin, you’re not alone. Many self-harmers are afraid of how to put it to telling someone for fear of them ‘freaking out’ on them in the case of a parent, a breakup in the case of a partner, or abandonment if it’s a friend. Here are several steps one may consider taking to help make it easier on the self-harmer and the loved one in question.

The first step you may want to take is writing a letter. If you are afraid to approach your loved one, writing a letter might be considerably easier than walking up and telling them you need to talk to them. In your letter, you can say whatever you are afraid to say, even that you are nervous or afraid to talk to them. If you do not wish to write a letter, pulling your loved one aside and saying, “I have something to talk to you about when you have a moment,” is as good a first step. [Kylie: This paragraph might be able to be restructured a little bit. Instead of starting off telling users to write a letter, perhaps you could say "The first step you want to take is figuring out what to say to the person" and then go on to explore the different options, such as writing letters vs. telling them face-to-face.]

The second step is to remain calm. If you are panicking, you may not be able to say everything you want to say because you forgot it or you second guess yourself. If you are calm, the atmosphere is less tense, and the conversation may feel easier to begin and get through. If your loved one has become angry or upset, and the situation is starting to get heated, remaining calm will help ensure it doesn’t escalate any further. Remember, their reaction is not your fault.

If your loved one is related to a reason for your self-harm, you may want to point the finger at them. There are ways to tell them they have a part in it without laying direct blame. Constructive words such as, “I feel like this when you do this,” or “When you say these things to me, I feel this,” are not seen as pointing fingers because it doesn’t sound like you’re saying the person intended to make you feel that way. Expressions such as, “You make me feel this,” “You do this to me,” may not be taken very well. [Kylie: This is excellent advice. However, I'm thinking that maybe this could be worded a bit more clearly, by saying something like: Use constructive wording such as "I feel like [this] when you do [this]" or "When you say those things to me, I feel [this]." This allows you to take ownership of your feelings and leads to a healthier and less hostile interaction. Expressions such as "You make me feel [this]" may lead a person to feel accused and like they need to play up their defenses, which makes it very hard for them to hear your concerns. But that's just an example that I came up with off the top of my head, so feel free to restructure it a bit. If anyone else has any suggestions for this bit here, please add on. ] Even if your loved one is not the reason, using constructive statements throughout your conversation may help it to run more smoothly.

Unfortunately, we cannot control anyone’s reactions to what we say. Your loved one may demand to see your self-injury if any is present or to have your tools if you have any. Many self-harmers are uncomfortable showing their self-harm, and may not want to part with what they use. Working with the person will make things easier, so it might not be a good idea to fight them if they ask to see your self-harm or what you’ve used. It is hard, and it is uncomfortable, but if you have recovery in mind (and even if you do not), it is what is best. No matter what, their reaction is not your fault. [Kylie: This is really good, but I feel like it prepares users only for the worst. What are some good possible outcomes that could come of this interaction? What if a person reacts with love and support, etc.? You may also want to discuss appropriate boundaries, such as saying no when you don't feel comfortable showing someone your scars and the like. While giving up tools and having scars inspected may be recovery oriented, I don't think it's necessary unless it is requested by someone who is a therapist or a doctor. Personally, I don't think it's the loved one's place to inquire about those things.]

It is important that you say what you feel and be honest. It is much easier better to tell the truth than to tell a lie, no matter how hard it is. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’re letting this person in on a very personal part of your life., and it is unreasonable to expect it to be easy. Breathe, stay calm, and be honest and constructive. Working with what your loved one asks of you may be difficult, but if you would like your loved one to change the way they talk to you or the actions they take, you have the right to tell them so. Even though some people will not take learning of your self-harm so well and say hurtful things, it is absolutely not your fault. You are the one hurting, and you are the one in need. It is not their place to insult you or blame you and hurt you further. [Kylie: This seems a little redundant to me. This has already been said in the previous paragraph, and I'm not sure it's necessary to say again. I might recommend removing this entire thing, but I'm not entirely sure. What do others think?]

There are many steps you can take to tell a loved one of your self-harm, but these are helpful to make it easier on yourself and your loved one. It is the right thing to do, but that does not mean it is easy, and it is a step to recovery. Remember, recovery is a process that should not be rushed, but instead, taken one day at a time. [Kylie: I broke this into a paragraph of its own since it seems to be a separate thought from the content above. As for the orange text, I personally would avoid saying it's the "right thing" to do, as there may be cases when telling a loved one is either not necessary or not right for the person. I would word it less judgmentally, such as saying: In many cases, it's important... That makes it a little more inclusive.]