[MsNobleEleanor]

Hey there Ash,

Do you find you try to be happy? Or when you are happy you're afraid to feel sad or depressed?

I was a lot like you with feeling happiness and depression. It took me a long time to realize what was happening, and then it took a long time to figure it out; how to make myself feel better. I was used to feeling depressed and when I felt happy it was as if it didn't belong, shouldn't feel happy. In all honesty I was afraid to be happy. But that didn't stop me from wanting to be happy.

When we are so used to one thing and try a different thing, that new thing doesn't feel the same. Does that make sense.

You are still young and believe me it took me a long time, 2 maybe 3 years to figure myself out. It takes time. So what I did to make myself realize what was I was doing.

For starters I think realizing that when you feel happy you become depressed, that is a start. That is where I started as well. Have you ever just sat down and felt what you are feeling? Then figure out why you feel that way? If you feel sad, feel it, then ask yourself why you feel sad, did a friend say something to you a few days ago that made you sad. Do you kinda get where I am coming from?

I can word it a different way. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and let yourself be aware why you do feel that way.

I found it helped me to understand myself, why I felt a certain way, but don't be hard on yourself, it takes time. I learned a lot from doing this and like I said it took me 2 maybe 3 years to really understand it. It may help, it may not help. You are also in a mind set of, "I will never be happy," because you've been used to feeling sad and depressed for awhile.

Could you gently ask the question to your counselor of what they can tell your parents or not. You do have the right to know what you do tell them, they shouldn't tell your parents, in less you are being hurt, you know someone is being hurt or you want to hurt yourself. Would asking them be something you could do? Counseling is still available to you, so you can still get some support.


Take Care,

Chantal