[PSY]

First, I want to commend you for sharing all this with us. I can't imagine it was easy to tell us about the good, bad, and the ugly, but it gives us a really clear picture of what's been going on, and hopefully, we can say a few things to help you out!

I'm not going to lecture you, because I can see your heart was in the right place. Ultimately, you wanted to help out a friend... but the way you went about it was completely wrong. I think you can see that now, but I want to emphasize a few points.

You cannot be the knight in shining armor. You cannot save people. Elissa and all your other friends need to find their own reasons to save themselves. As a friend, you can absolutely support them; however, you cannot stop them from hurting themselves. As you can see now, not even lying or trying to please people will stop them from hurting themselves. They need to discover their own value as people, and while you can certainly emphasize how wonderful they are and build them up emotionally, you are not in control of their lives or their happiness.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh - but by lying to Elissa, you actually hindered her recovery. Instead of referring her to a counselor, or telling her parents about the self-harm, or encouraging her to seek professional help, you enabled her to continue using you as an inadequate emotional crutch. From this point on, the best thing you can do for Elissa AND for yourself is to establish very strict boundaries. If she starts hurting herself again, you need to tell an adult who can help her, and leave the responsibility of watching out for her to them. You need to focus on your own emotional well-being. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing to mess up their lives, and focus on fixing your own.

This doesn't mean you have to abandon everyone or be a crappy friend! It just means you need to have boundaries and limits to what you're willing to do. This is going to be difficult to establish at first, but with time, if you stick with it and truly make your well-being the #1 focus, it's going to get easier. Remember that there's a difference between helping/supporting others and enabling others. You can advise people, and you can offer words of comfort, but once you start trying to control their actions or take on the burden of their problems, you're no longer helping them OR yourself.

You have to give yourself and your friends more credit. People CAN support themselves, and you need to start letting go of these codependent relationships. In a way, you're struggling just as much as all your friends, and you need to trust that you can turn your life around, just as your friends can turn their lives around. Start giving them other resources, and seek out support for yourself as well (yes, even professional help, because this level of codependency is pretty severe, in my opinion). It's going to pay off in the long run, I promise you. You're going to feel horrible at first for not running to their aid and not enabling them, but it's the only chance you and they have of truly being happy, healthy individuals.