[alliegator]

As of next week, I am officially two months self harm free. how? Why? I made a bracelet, one of those friendship bracelet things. I actually made two, I wear one (I tied it around my wrists with knots I could never untie), and the other one I gave to my friend that's been with me every second of my depression. There were two consecutive months where he would text me several times a week around 11pm because he knew that was always when I would start thinking badly and self harm, even if we'd just seen each other a few hours before he'd still text me. Just simple things like, How was your day? or Try real hard to get some sleep, for me. or I'm watching the stars, it's a beautiful night. He didn't know how hard it was to be going through all this, he didnt understand the whys, but he listened, the countless times I called him up at 2 am after id hurt myself and was crying, the millions of times after school that we'd just sit in the hallway and just talk.

So now, both of us wear this bracelet, I wear mine on my left arm, right above my dozens of fading scars. He doesn't know why it means, he just thinks its cute, but every time I look at my arm, thinking about hurting myself again, I remember how disappointed he'd be if I harm myself again after all this time. And I stop.