Thanks for the responses, i know it's not what i should've done but when i was taking medication i was on 40mg and after i got some more i just stopped taking them completely and stopped going to the doctor because i felt like i didn't need to rely on them anymore. i still have my 40mg tablets that i occassionally take one of when i feel like i might undo my months of being
SH free.
i do sometimes write poetry (as my creative talent in anything else is zero) which i'm not sure if it ever helped because the person i used to show them to wasn't really interested in writing at all but they were the only one i really trusted so.. =.=