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Hey there,

I'm so sorry to hear that he used you just for this. I know sometimes people can be really confused about what their sexuality is and sometimes they need to experiment, but he definitely should have been up front with you about this rather than leading you on. You definitely don't deserve that.

Do you think you'd be able to talk to him about how you feel? I know it may be really hard to do so, but maybe you can politely let him know how this made you feel. Then, the two of you can talk things over, which may help you get a bit more closure.

You said you have had a lot going on in your life right now. Have you ever considered seeing someone about this? I know it can be really scary talking to someone about everything going on, but in the end you really don't deserve to go through this alone. I don't think you're still in school, but if you are, you can talk to a guidance counselor, school nurse, or teacher. If you are religious, you can speak to a religious leader. Or, you can talk to a doctor or therapist. They can really help you work through everything that is going on and help you cope in a new way so you can get to a better place in life. It's really worth a try. You can even call a hotline. A list is here. They can also help try and work things through with you.

Maybe you can try and express yourself in different ways as well. You can write, use art, or make music, for instance. These are all ways to get things out so they're not as pent up inside. Exercise is also an awesome way to release stress, or listening to music. Or, even take time for yourself to just relax. Maybe take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, or bake your favorite goodies.

I know it can be really hard to function when this depressed, but try to get yourself out of the house as well. Maybe you can join clubs and social groups around town so you can meet other people and make new friends. You'd also be having fun with something you enjoy doing.

Try and make goals for yourself, even small things, that you can accomplish and be proud of yourself for doing so.

Also know that even though things are bad right now, "everything will be okay in the end, so if it's not okay, it's not the end." Things will get better, maybe even when you least expect them to. You have things to do and places to go, people to meet and goals to complete. Don't give that all up now.

And, need reasons to live? Check this list out. Sometimes you have to let the small things build up, because your big thing is coming.

Keep your head held high, stay strong, and keep fighting, because the fight is so worth it.

-Dez