[Ghost On The Highway]

While I won't claim any knowledge of your specific situation, I can say from experience that alcohol abuse and depression go hand in hand. A useful perspective in my opinion is to compare the relationship to hard drug addiction, heroin for example. An addict "shoots up" to experience euphoria (or relief from depression) and to avoid unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Using the drug helps alleviate the problem temporarily, but with each use the person develops tolerance, requiring more of the substance to attain the desired effect. This exacerbates the "come down" and can cause dangerous side effects. When you reduced your drinking to moderate levels, I'm guessing it helped at first, but later you felt compelled to drink more because the good feeling diminished over time. Now, if you stop "cold turkey," you'll feel like crap, possibly for quite some time. I would recommend slowly reducing the amount you drink, with the goal of abstinence after, say, two months. A good way to do this is to switch to drinks with a lot of fluid volume but not much alcohol, such as light beer. If you find it distasteful, all the better (think of it as taking a medication).

I hope you are able to get better soon, and as others have said, rehabilitation programs can be an excellent resource. I know very little about how such programs are structured because I prefer to do things on my own. However, I have been in group programs for mental health and find them much preferable to individual therapy, so long as you have someone to hold you accountable.

Some alternative "medications" to alcohol (for depression and anxiety)
- St. Johns Wort: an inexpensive, natural "SSRI antidepressant" with few side effects
- Kava Kava: a mildly intoxicating herbal anti-anxiety drink
- Benzodiazepines (e.g. xanax, klonopin): pharmaceuticals for anxiety, which often accompanies depression. Can be habit forming and may worsen depression over time despite immediate relief, like alcohol.
- Antidepressants (e.g. prozac, effexor): pharmaceuticals for depression. Side effects tend to be immediate, can worsen depression for a few days to weeks, usually followed by long-term improvement after a month or so. Withdrawal ranges from non-existent to moderate. Expensive without insurance.