[i_like_black]

It's understandable to have trouble relaxing after what you've been through. I think it's important for you to communicate with your current boyfriend that prior to your rape, you were a virgin. It's also important to remember that it takes a long time for a lot of people to relax with sex - and if it's too much for you to be fully penetrated (for lack of better phrasing) the first time, this guy should understand. Some is better than none, I figure.

It's cool that you trust him and want to be with him, but do tell him how you're feeling - because in this situation it's important for him to help you feel relaxed as much as possible, because by being in this position with him you're making yourself incredibly vulnerable. It's not a bad thing, but it's a scary thing, and if he can consistently reassure you that he's not going to abuse that privilege then it may help you to relax.

Other than that, deep breathing may help, as will fantasising what it will be like if it goes well and everything's nice.

I don't think your first time should be about "getting it over with" - it should be more of a chance for your current partner to see how much you trust him and want him - and he will understand that more if you can tell him a bit more about what's happened.

Sorry, I don't know how helpful this was. But good luck.