[Not_here]

I wrote this poem, earlier this morning:

Playing black and white
of the chess game
I already know
the steps I'll take
the sneaky plans
I'll make
the intimidating bashes
the snide replies
the hopeful crossed fingers
the helpless sighs
I'll give
I can anticipate.
A best friend and twin
we finish each other's sentences
An enemy
I intrude on my head
invade my thoughts
counterattack
the cleverness and witty remarks
pulling both ends
in tug of war
perfectionist and imperfectionist
constant battle
arguing both sides of a debate
it's not my choice, it's my fate
believe when I say,
I tried to fix myself
it's no use
I'm too confused
I gotta choose
recovery or not
enough with one foot
in one, other out
start from the root
work my way through
to the stem and leaf
nurturing with kindness
is best, just maybe
this mess will be managed
with all the spinning of a tornado
there's something worth the turmoil
and fuzziness
concentrating on multiple things
all at once
playing every instrument of an orchestra
it may look from the outside I'm managing well
but if you know me, you can tell
I'm a lost cause
there's no harmony
in the music I play
I'm full of chaos
and disaster
in every way.