Hi, my name is Tayler but I like to be called Aurora. Um, I am really new to this. I sort of just joined today 5-16-13. I recently turned 16 in April and I am starting to remember horrible things I've been wanting to forget. It happened 5 years ago in 5th grade. It was a long time ago but I cant seem to let go. I was bullied really bad. The kids hated me and they left cuts, blood, and bruises on me but they said they would make it worse if I told anyone about or showed anyone the cuts or bruises. So I kept them to myself and didn't show anyone. Well, not long after that, things just got worse. A young boy, about my age at that time, pretty much did bad things to me. He liked me, so I was told, but I didn't like him at all in any way. He loved touching me, and he told me not to tell. Now of course I was scared because he threatened me. Well, he had his friends hold me against my will while he did what he wanted to. That happened at the school. Kid's past by and laughed saying I deserved it. I did nothing to these kid's at all. Well I have been stuck with nightmares and night terrors since then. I started cutting at a young age to. For five years I cut myself. June 15th, 2013 it will be a year of me not cutting, I'm excited but then again I really hate myself for quitting something I really needed to escape. It wasn't easy and I still want to do it. But I don't because I saw how much it hurt the people that I love. It's been 5 years and I am now in High School. 10th grade. The memories are coming back. And I can see everyone and remember everything. But the boy, he is just a shadow that I cant get rid of. I want to see him, at least in my nightmares/night terrors so I can face him, even if it is only in my sleep. I don't want to self-harm anymore, but as the memories get stronger, the urge to cut gets stronger. I thought that if maybe I talked to people, even online, that understood at least the cutting part, that maybe the urges would go away or not come as often. Please, I hope this works. I need help understanding why the memories are coming back so strongly now and why I have the urge to cut.
