[Let's kill tonight.]

I need you so badly right now. I know you don't want a relationship, but I really need you to just make me feel like you want me a bit, if you do. Just two days ago you were wanting her and wishing for her to be who she was that week and then you say you like me again. I want us to at least 'date' or something; if it's what you want. I wan't it to be us trying; not just you going out and me just worrying about you kissing someone else cause we aren't in a relationship now. I want to go out for a meal or a drink or a day out and have fun. We don't have to spend days on end together, you don't have to call me your girlfriend. But then I still feel like that to you is a relationship. This just sounds confusing but I'm just so messed up.

I still don't understand how you fell out of love with me. And I'm still not sure I'm ever going to be comfortable with anyone again. When we stood in the crowd at the blink gig and the florence gig, you held me so tightly I thought you would never ever let me go. And with anyone else I'm ever with if we don't work; I'm always going to worry it's going to end out of the blue now. So I'm still not sure I would ever be comfortable with you again; but, when I'm with you I forget all that stuff and I'm happy. I guess that's why taking things as they come is good but I hate not talking like we used to. You've gone now this evening and didn't say bye. You didn't say you'd text me after. You didn't tell me to have a good night. I hate this.
I hate me.