[Everglow.]

Hey there,

Anger is an issue for me as well, so I know first hand that trying to find a healthy outlet can be extremely difficult, but I think what helps me is trying to find ways to channel it that don't cause harm to yourself or those around you. I'm not sure how well this works to everyone else, or how well it will work to you, but sometimes, if I'm really angry, I take it out on inanimate objects so that I don't get hurt and nobody else gets hurt either. For example, when you feel like you're about to snap at someone, rip up some paper or scream into a pillow, maybe hit the pillow or something soft so that you can manage the 'snapping' without hurting someone. If this doesn't work, maybe try some calming methods, for example practice breathing when you're getting wound up. IF you breath in for 5 seconds, and out for 5 seconds, and repeat it, it will give your mind something to focus on instead of what has upset you. Also, it will regulate what is going on inside your body and hopefully calm you down a bit more.

These techniques can also work when you feel like you're going to upset people. I know it's easier to take the blame off of yourself and pin it to somebody else and bring them down with you, because it feels like you're not longer the centre of attention anymore, but it's really not a way to maintain relationships or make yourself feel better. Maybe instead of doing that, you can go and get some air or take some time away from the situation because that way, you'll have time to think things through before you do something to bring someone down with you. Maybe you can go for a walk or a run since exercise is supposed to be good for your mood.

I also know what it's like to feel like people hate you and are against you at school. At the start of my first year in sixth form, I had real problems fitting in because my friend was good friends with someone who I felt judged me a lot. When I told my friend, she didn't really understand, and we stopped talking for a while because she was angry at me. I found other friends during that time though who I could feel more confident around at that moment. Maybe readjusting your friendship group might help. For example, are there people who you've never really considered as friends before, for whatever reason, who you can maybe talk to and get to know a bit? MAybe someone who sits in the corner and doesn't really say much? I find those people are often the least judgemental people, who just get overlooked a lot. IT might be difficult, but it might also help you feel like you belong a bit. Other than that, talking to the people you feel are against you might also help. Although it didn't help straight away for me, after a while things turned out okay and now that friend I fell out with is one of my best friends. I think after explaining it to her, she finally understood, so maybe it will be useful here too.

These thoughts of suicide and self harm, how do you normally go about ignoring them? Are there techniques you've started using to help you a bit? IF you take a look here you'll find a list of SH alternatives which might also help when you feel suicidal. They're a good way to divert your attention away from the thoughts and to something more useful and positive. Go through them and see if any work, they wont all be useful but some will, it's just about trying them out.

Finally, if these thoughts are affecting you really badly, maybe consider talking to a professional. They're qualified to help people, such as yourself, deal with the thoughts and recover from what you're dealing with. It's a long process, and it's certainly not easy, but it's definitely worth it. You can get through this, I have no doubt about that, just keep fighting, okay?

Good luck and take care,
Hollie.