[Brandon]

I like how everyone pretty much immediately responded with the advice that he shouldn't pressure her. Guile very clearly stated that he doesn't want to pressure her. I'm pretty sure that part of the reason why he's even asking advice in the first place is that he's trying to come up with some solution to where he can be sexually satisfied without pressuring her to do anything. So Guile, I apologize on behalf of those responses; I know that you probably wouldn't do anything to pressure her and I respect you for coming forth and trying to come up with a logical solution to your problem.

Sexual deprivation is a real issue, and I can certainly understand your viewpoint. Waiting for a year is a really fucking long time, and I'm going to applaud you for the amount of effort you put into the relationship so far. I don't think I would've lasted that long without sex.

There are some things that just aren't adding up, however. The real question that we have to ask is "why is she hesitant on having sex?" Is it because she wants to save it for marriage? Is it because she's just not ready to have sex? Or could it be something worse? Maybe she went through a traumatic experience when she was younger that prevents her from trusting people? I assume you already know the answer to the last question considering you and her are very good at communication, but that doesn't need to be mentioned. If it's the case where something did happen to her, I would understand to a certain degree and it makes sense with all her anxiety issues with regards to sex. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, but just from my personal experience...women who have anxiety issues on the subject of sex tend to have a much deeper issue than the fact that she isn't "ready." Because, of course, we have to define what "ready" is. Being ready is not just physical, but psychological. If there's things going on in her mind preventing her from being psychologically ready to have sex, then those psychological issues need to be dealt with prior to having sex. Otherwise, you're going to lead yourself into break-up because she's going to continue claiming that she just isn't ready for sex, and you're going to get frustrated.

But what if she wants to save her virginity till marriage? Well, that's fine...however, there are many women who have the same mentality about virginity but they actively engage in oral sex with their partners. My girlfriend's best friend, religiously Catholic, gives her boyfriend oral sex (from what I gather) all the damn time. At least with oral sex, it's a sexual act that someone else is doing. Because you're getting sick of masturbation, I assume that she isn't giving you oral sex. Also, considering that you and her have talked about the subject of sex, I'm assuming that she never mentioned that she wanted to wait till marriage because you probably wouldn't have been dating this long if she told you. But if it IS the case where she actually wants to wait till marriage, then it seems like she's manipulating the truth by opening talking about sex but not mentioning that she's going to wait till marriage. If that's the case, you have a right to be frustrated because she's leading you on saying that she isn't ready for sex when she really means she's not ready for sex because she's waiting till X and Y.

Or maybe it's the rare case that maybe nothing bad really happened to her, and maybe she's not waiting till marriage...so the question would be, in these circumstances, why would a woman not be ready for sex after being in a relationship for over a year? Also, why would she not give and receive oral sex at least if she plans on waiting? If she claims to not be ready and it's been a year, at what point will she be? Two years? Three years? Why not wait till marriage?

So it seems unclear at this point on why she's not ready. After a year, by then, most women who are willing to engage in pre-marital sex are probably going to have sex in the relationship. From my guess, it seems like she's got personal issues that she's either told you about or afraid to tell you due to lack of trust. If I'm wrong, and she's not planning on waiting till marriage, then I can't explain a woman's mentality that she's still not ready for sex even after a year of dating.

Your next step, at this point (to me), would be finding out why she isn't ready, and then go from there. If she's not ready because of personal issues and it's something that you can help her deal with...then stay with her and deal with them. Otherwise, do what you feel is best.