[LuckyNo.Infinity]

Sometimes I wonder if you should really be marrying me... I love you, and ironically, that's why.

I would give myself to you wholly, know this and please try to understand the terror that accompanies it. I trust you completely. But I can't help but feel that you deserve better. Because while my love for you is the purist I can imagine, I'm terrified that the weight of me will burden you as a wife and mother to your children. I can't lie beside you while suicide sits at the back of my mind, can't build a family with you as I feel myself breaking. I know we have time. I know I need help, and I know it's very possible for us to work this out, but I do wonder... the world is overpopulated as it is and I feel that it would be criminal to bring a person into this world to consume as we do as a part of our culture, and to feel such pain as we do as a part of our nature.

Some days, you see more of me from miles away than I do in my own mirror. Some times you navigate the jumbled maze of my speech and mind as if you were born to it, making clear paths in the most chaotic instances and areas of my disposition.

Tell me. Can you unriddle me this?