[mindflower]

I can't make tears when I need to cry,
I can't cut when I want to most because no one cares enough to stop me nor let me. It doesn't make sense that they want me to be numb. Then again, how would they know how I feel?
Not like they'd fucking care.
Cody's friend told me he still wants to be with me. Yeah right. I'm nothing, ugly, just scrap. And I'm fat, not to leave that out.
Matthew called me a "fuck"
Cody called me a "bitch". So did Sarah. and Kate. And Zoe. And Abby.
They called me a slut. And an attention whore.

I want to die.

My last show choir performance went terribly and I nearly choked on my solo. She and matthew would not. stop. flirting. They're so right together and connected and damn happy, and Zoa is happy with Wil, and Cody likes Erin, and I'm alone.
ALONE.
And I see why, its no secret, I'm just fake and ugly and worthless and unlovable.
I get it.
I want....want want....want....to hurt myself.......
I deserve it.