[Chris]

Well, I cant answer any of your questions. No one can. I'm sorry that you feel the way you feel about the situation, and I'm sorry your in that situation at all.

I can kind of related. When I was in 7th-8th grade I was fat. I was ugly. I was the chubby kid who ran around the halls trying to get to class early. I didn't have many friends, I knew alot of people, but still kept to myself. I was bullied, made fun of, and often found myself in alot of fists fights. I would go home only to sit in my bedroom alone, other than when my mom came in the room to beat me (which was an everyday thing). I couldn't speak out against anyone, I had 0 confidence, I had 0 self esteem, and I just wanted to kill myself because, who would honestly care, right?

One day my brother came to see me (he previously moved out to get away from the abuse at home), he saw the conditions in which I was, and in which I was living. He looked me in the eyes, and told me "everything will get better, I promise". You know how many times I heard that? You know how many times I thought things are going to get better? Well, when he told me this I felt different. I felt like he way right. He motivated me to improve my life, instead of crying about it. To change my attitude, instead of planning my death. And I did.

I lost weight, I got contacts instead of glasses, I took leadership classes (to build confidence), I became a peer mediator over the summer (going into freshman year), I started counseling, and more journaling, I cut off all my old ties to 'buddies'. And when I walked into my first day of high school (and I remember it like it was yesterday), things changed. I can honestly say that my freshman year was the best year of my life. I made huge amounts of friends, I was confident beyond believe, I was in decent physical condition, and the most important thing: I was accepted for who I was. My life still remains the same (even after 4 years).

So, I know how you feel. I know how loneliness feels. Now, you can choose to remain lonely, or you can seek help and try to change things around. I know, I'd rather fight and fail, and automatically fail because I didn't even try. Only YOU can make a change, why not start today?


Best wishes,
Chris