[palevamp]

I was almost raped two weeks ago. I was in the greenbelt near my house, smoking a cigarette (addiction issues, I know). And pretty much as soon as I put that cigarette out, this guy came out of nowhere. It was too dark to see his face, but I could tell he was tall and incredibly strong. He pinned me down, left some burns with his own cigarette, gave me some scratches and bruises. As he was unzipping his pants I guess, I somehow managed to escape. He began screaming things at me, such as, "you fucking bitch!", "don't be such a tease!". I ran the opposite direction of where my house was so he wouldn't know where I lived. But after a while, when I was sure he was gone, I found my way back to my house, and smoked another cigarette to calm down, and walked into my house as if nothing had happened. And no one knows about this because I simply don't want anyone to know. I simply sent teenhelp this right now because I know that I need to talk to someone about it, or I'll just explode... It seems like one would feel "hot" or something if one attempted to rape them. But I don't feel that way at all. I feel as if this happened because I was simply an easy target with a vagina. I feel like a complete piece of shit. And I'm scared and don't feel safe anywhere I go.
And I did send this to the helplink as well, but I thought I'd talk to the forums on here about this as well...
But, adding to this one: I've been extremely suicidal since this happened. But I especially don't want to tell anyone about this, because I happen to be extremely afraid of mental hospitals. I've had this fear since I was very small (had depression from a young age onward). Ugh, I don't know what to do...