Girlfriend of 3 years has self-image issues

[lolerskates]

Hello everyone, I come here seeking a little advice or guidance about an issue in my relationship. My girlfriend is overweight (I wouldn't say hugely overweight, but she's not just slightly overweight). When we first started dating, I was a complete asshole and surely made her self image issues a lot worst. How was I an asshole? I wouldn't introduce her to my friends, I wouldn't put up a relationship status on Facebook, afraid to hold her hand in public, and bad stuff like that.


The reality of it was that I was not comfortable with the relationship, but from the start I knew I could love this woman for who she was on the inside. This was back in high school, when I had self-image issues myself, and didn't want to feel bad about my relationship with her. We're out of high school now, much further along in the relationship, and I'm very comfortable with our relationship. I love her very much and she's been an awesome girlfriend. She's fully integrated into my life (and honestly should've been from the start).

But now I'm encountering problems that I don't know to handle, or even be helpful about. For the first three years of the relationship, sex has never been a problem. We'd have sex multiple times a week and she often expressed interest in being intimate. This was back when it was actually difficult for us to be alone with eachother. Now, she lives on her own and I sleep with her on most nights. Despite this, we have sex about once a week, and rarely more than that.

I'm not saying that all I care about is sex - but it's at the point where if I ever want to have sex with her, I pretty much have to force her to do it. And like I said, it's a lot less often than it used to be. When I talk to her about it, she says it's because she has body image issues, and isn't in the mood. I told her that it's okay and that I understand. But as the months progress now, I'm starting to feel like she doesn't desire me sexually at all - but I feel like she's been a great girlfriend in every other department. Still - my mind keeps wandering off..."is she cheating on me?".

Anyways, I'm wondering what should I do to repair this problem? People say talking about things helps, but I've talked to her about it multiple times and in the end there's nothing changed. What kills me about this is that despite being overweight, she's still actually a very beautiful woman and gets compliments (even from other guys) about how pretty she is. I wish I could make her realize that she's pretty and that weight simply isn't that important. I've even told her this countless times. She tries to diet and exercise (and I offer to exercise with her as well as try to congratulate her on her dieting, though when she goes off it - I do nothing to reprimand it, I understand that dieting is hard).

[Harmony♥]

You see, having sex once a week is pretty standard for a couple who has been in a relationship as long as you have. In fact, I am lucky if I get that once a week, but then again, my boyfriend and I live in different towns, have conflicting work schedules and only get to see each other once a week at most.

Now, this isn't exactly a problem, per se. I do understand your frustration, and I understand hers as well. I don't think it's necessarily the body issues that is the problem. Obviously, you've been in a relationship with her for a long time, and her weight has become less and less of an issue as the relationship progressed. You may have treated her weight as a problem before, but that was several years ago, and it seems you've moved passed that in the end. Right now, it just sounds like the "honeymoon" stages of your relationship have finally dwindled. The love and passion is still there, but being romantically intimate together is happening less and less. This is normal, and common for people who are in relationships long-term, and being together for 3 years is a long time, especially in today's standards.

Why not try to make a romantic evening out of it? Maybe your sex life has just come to be repetitive, and she wants a more spiced up sex life? That is also normal and common in relationships as well. The same thing over and over again can become boring, and even puts people off to having sex frequently. Shower her with praise, and love. Try out new positions. Make a special dinner date out of it at her apartment. Do anything that's not of the norm for you too, and see where it leads. If this doesn't work, I'd continue to talk to her about it and tell her how it's making you feel. Maybe she can tell you the REAL reason behind not wanting to be intimate more than once a week. If things don't change, you could reconsider your relationship, but that just makes it seem that sex is the most important factor of your relationship when indeed it is not.

[iamverybeautiful]

Buy her belly dancing classes. She'll feel a lot sexier

[dani99]

First of all, do you really blame her? In the beginning, you probably made her feel a lot worse than she deserved, and as a girl: I could understand why she isn't over it completely. But that was a long time ago, and you've seemed to have changed. Do you compliment her often? Tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?

If she isn't in the mood for sex, then she just isn't in the mood. I remember for a long long time with my boyfriend, I wanted sex but refrained from it because I felt uncomfortable with how I look. If I were you, I wouldn't push the issue with her and force her. It may end up making things worse. If you love her, then respect her feelings and understand that she just doesn't want to. It's probably not a matter of cheating, but like you said - she just doesn't like the way her body looks.

Instead, spend more time making her feel like she's beautiful and sexy. Call her a mix of beautiful, sexy, and cute through the next few weeks. Tell her that you like how she looks in certain clothes. After a while, it'll boost her confidence up and in the long run, you might get sex more than you do now and a more confident girlfriend.