The stage between friendship and dating. Help please

[Jude27]

Hi.

I really need advice because I don't know what to do. I'm bad at the whole dating thing and I tend to think too hard about life than I should.
I have the tendency of making things more complicated than they should be.
It's possible that you guys can help.
Especially if you have been in this situation and have also resolved it..

Story:
There is a girl I quite like. I met her after winter break. I am the leader of a student organization and she met me there and has been coming back since then because, apparently, she thought I was attractive xD..

Last week we friend-ed on facebook and basically have been talking throughout the entire day and night ever since then.

Last Friday, we went for coffee, food, dinner, and we ended up staying up till 7am talking...

Monday, I watched stuff at her place for several hours

Yesterday, she was my valentine for valentines day.. we stayed up till 2:30 and watched a movie. We also made out >_>

I did something that I hardly ever do. I asked her if she wanted to go out with me. I usually only do something so bold after like.. a year of knowing someone. But I like her a lot.

She said that she really likes me and really likes what's happening, but she just got out of a relationship around a month ago.. it was with a guy who didn't let her have a lot of freedom and stuff.. and she wasn't sure if she could be really good as a girlfriend atm.

I said that I was okay with that, that all I want right now is to keep doing what makes us happy, and that I'm more than happy to be a really really good friend. She was very much okay with that and I do think she likes me.

Ok. So. Question.

What am I supposed to do in such a situation?
We aren't dating but..
We are definitely more than friends.
I mean she just posted about her shirt smelling good.. and that she was happy. and I know it was referring to me....
So, I assume that it's not me, and that its just what she is going through with her previous relationship, right?
Like. How do I act? Do I just continue to be friendly and stuff? Do I give her extra space and try NOT to talk to her sometimes so that she can, ya know, idk?
What do you think she wants? To like.. take it slow and stuff? I mean I don't mind that. Especially because it usually takes me a YEAR to get the nerves to ask someone out.
But she keeps saying that she does want to be around me a lot. And she texts me throughout the entire day.


I'm like this because, well, my last relationship also ended poorly. Mostly because throughout the whole thing, though we were dating, I wasn't sure if I really was "allowed" to like her. It's complicated.. but.. Yeah.. My last one ended and I ended up accadentally breaking my self esteem. So..

I just really wish I knew how "i should act" and if I am, like, "allowed" to like her right now.

Are you "allowed" to like people you aren't dating??

How does one successfully play the role that she wants me to play right now?

I really don't want to mess anything up. I mess things up easily. And a lot of the time it is due to the fact that I thought to hard about it. Just like what I am doing now

Help =P

[PSY]

I'm going to keep it simple: do exactly what you've been doing so far, because it's working! It's not your fault that she needs more time to cope with her recent break-up. You didn't do anything wrong... she's just not ready to jump right back into another committed relationship. Be patient, give her time, and I'm sure she'll fall right into your arms (she kind of already has!). If you start backing off now, though, she may lose interest or think you've lost interest/been offended by her "rejection." If you push harder, you may scare her away. Just do what you're doing now - be friendly, but be romantic, because she certainly seems to enjoy that. =)

[Jude27]

Thank you for the advice =)

I will do that. I am probably just overthinking it and am worried that I'd do something to mess stuff up. But. I'm happy with everything and Ill just be the way I am.

Should I, like, ever bring it up again? Like after a while, ask what she wants? Or.. should I wait and assume if she wants to say anything about it, she will do it on her own accord? Idk. I don't want to be pushy, exactly what you said. I just want to know what she is wanting lol.

I mean, I don't mind waiting, though.

[Jude27]

Oh. Important question.

Was it bad that I asked her if she wanted to go out? I mean, We basically are. I just wanted to know if she wanted to make it official.

People tell me that "normal people do not wait an entire year to ask someone" so I thought I'd follow their advice and ask her last night after she was, yano.. at my place till 2am.

I'm kinda regretting it. I mean it went over well I think and I think she may be interested in it sometime. But. Idk. That's what normal people do, right? ask people they like out? right? I'm bad at this stuff and just want confirmation that I'm not doing things wrong xD

Just a friendly observation: you're over-thinking it in this post. Relationships generally go a lot more smoothly if you relax a little and enjoy what is happening instead of calculating every moment of it to deduce what each one means.

Also, quit telling yourself you are bad at dating. There is nothing wrong with being reserved. It's okay to be where you are at. You shouldn't worry about what others say; go at the pace that is comfortable to you.

It was not a mistake to ask her out. She was responding really well to you, and you were both obviously very into each other based on how much time you were spending together. You did not know her past relationship history, so that isn't exactly something you can hold yourself accountable for.

Right now she just isn't ready for an official relationship, that's all. For someone who just left an abusive relationship having someone want to solidify things can be really scary, since it was probably a real struggle for her to get out of her last relationship in the first place. Even if it seems you two are already dating, putting a label on that or closing off her space just isn't something she is ready for.

Just keep being a good friend and companion to her. You're basically the same as you were, just without a label. Enjoy it and things will progress when they are ready to.

[☪ ERIN JUDE ☪]

I think you're over thinking everything. If you keep doing what you're doing, everything will work out and be fine. It's understandable as to why she doesn't want a relationship right now, and you should understand that. Things will all work out if you take things slowly and DON'T RUSH. Just keep doing what you're doing and in time, it will work out.

[occcoolboy]

well basicly this shows that she wants to take it slow with you. this doesnt mean that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with you but she just wants to take things step by step. many relationships have started with way. relationships start in this way only when a girl just recently dumped someone and they are still going through the "phases" of a breakup. this doesnt mean that youre in the friend zone. the only time you will be in the friend zone is when both of you are best friends but she is falling in love with another guy. in the story's perspective, you dont need to worry about being in the friend zone because she made out with you. thats a sign that she is falling in love with you. so theres no need to worry about other guys in your way. the road for love for you is clear but you just gotta wait a little longer to make it the right time. i believe you and her will be a great couple by the information given in the story provided.

[Raining Glitter]

1. It is completely fine to have crushes on people you are dating, even when you are dating someone. It's about how you handle the crush that makes it okay or not. And well since you aren't dating someone right now, it is completely fine to like her.

2. It sounds like it is what it is. She likes you, but just got out of a relationship and isn't ready to date. Coming from a girl who had her heart broken recently, I can kinda understand why she isn't ready yet. Sometimes it can hurt a lot when you get your heart crushed, whether break up, rejection, ect. No matter how much a girl can like a guy, it can be hard to start a new relationship when she is still in her healing faze.

I would just take it slow, continue being friends with her. If another girl catches your eye, don't be afraid to go after her because who knows how long you will have to wait :/ it depends really how her healing process goes.

Just keep on being friendly. I wouldn't try making out with her unless she initiates it since you don't want to pressure her. Basically do what you are doing now I know you feel like you are doing the wrong thing, but you aren't. You are doing perfect! Believe me, you being around her probably is making her heal faster than her being bitterly by herself in her room all day. Being her friend and helping her through this gives her the support she needs to heal, and plus it gives you brownie points for when she is ready to have another relationship.

And if you personally can't handle just being her friend because it hurts you, don't be afraid to put some distance. Relationships can be hard and it is okay to look at other girls too, since she doesn't own you nor do you own her right now.

Just take things slow You ARE allowed to like her. Completely. Don't think otherwise. You'll do fine. It sounds like you care about this girl a lot and that might be the perfect thing for her and the relationship you are looking for. I hope everything works out!