My girlfriend is way too passive in bed

[Maiden]

My girlfriend is really passive in bed. She always just lies back and lets (makes) me do everything. She never initiates sex at all then takes a super passive role during the whole thing. I've tried asking her to be more dominant and to initiate sex more quite a few times and she always says she will but she never does. It's starting to really bother me because it means I never really enjoy sex. I mean I don't mind being dominant sometimes but after 3 and a 1/2 years of being together and always having to do everything, it's tiring. Sometimes I just want to be the one lying back and having things done to me, instead of the other way around.

It's getting more difficult because it's making me feel like having sex with somebody who does actually want to be more dominant with me and act like they actually want to have sex, someone who is going to respond passionately and forcefully.

[Coffee.]

Communicate. I know you've asked her to be more dominant, but also, make sure you actually talk to her directly about how it makes you feel. Also, talk to her about what she likes in bed. Maybe she really likes being controlled, and while you may want her to take a more leading roll, at least knowing directly what she likes may help you choose the actions that please her most. Make sure you communicate during sex as well.

In movies, the couple always looks at each other, and suddenly, the perfect sex explosion happens. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that in real life. People will accidentally lean on somebody's hair, someone's foot falls asleep, you know, stuff happens. Communicate. That doesn't mean complete "Well put your hand there" conversations, but instead of just talking before and hope it happens, do something about it. Sometimes, when my boyfriend wants me to dominate, he moves in a way that puts me on top. You can think about doing that, it's a silent way of communicating "This is what I want you to do." Hope this helps a bit!

[TheCrowing]

This is ironic that you mention this.. I had a similar with my 4 year relationship with my now ex girlfriend. She always accused me of being a 'pillow queen' and being the bottom.. but she never initiated it, and as soon as I did whatever for her, she just stopped and that was it.

Like the above said.. it's all about communication. You just have to tell her.. like.. hey, look.. this really isn't working for me. Especially because you have been in a relationship for so long, it's really going to be hard for her to hear now. But you have to tell her honestly how you feel. If you're obviously having thoughts about having sex with someone that is going to respond to you better, there's a lack of communication between you and your girlfriend. I felt the same way. Both of us did, actually, and that's a big reason why our relationship ended. Both of us wanted to be with other people, because we were sick of the lack of communication, especially when it came to sex.

So catch it now before something negative comes out of it. Talk to her about it.

[Harmony♥]

I'm going to have to agree with the others; maybe she likes to be controlled or is unsure of how to initiate sex. In my opinion, I'd stop initiating sex to see if she responds to that. I know if I were in your situation, and my boyfriend stopped initiating sex, I'd make a move to start it. Maybe she's just shy? Only you know you girlfriend, so you need to tell her how you feel.

[roller♥coaster]

I think that's pretty selfish of her, but maybe that should be an indicator of a larger problem in the relationship if you've asked her to try to improve and she doesn't try at all.

If I'm entirely off-base on that, then I agree with the other posters. Don't initiate and see if she does.

Good luck!

[niente_]

From your girlfriends side ... I'm quite passive in bed. I do feel bad about it. But I feel totally inexperienced compared to my boyfriend and I'm scared I'll do something wrong or it won't feel good for him and i'll feel embarrassed and stupid. (However I've actually told him that I feel bad that he does all the work but that I'm very self conscious on top, and he told me that it's okay so .... i guess it's different.)
But if she's anything like me she may be shy or uncomfortable doing certain things ... maybe she's had a bad experience in the past? Maybe she doesn't want to take charge and then disappoint. Maybe she's worried if she does something and it doesn't really work you would laugh or tell your friends or something .... obviously I don't know you and don't know if you'd do anything like that, but these are all things that run through my head when it comes to me.