Advice on girlfriend and parents

[Lila Daisy]

I used to be Theodosia on here.

My girlfriend and i are still together what will be 10 months next wednesday and we want to come out next year when she enters highschool.But I am scared i know most of my friends will accept me heck most are bi. but its my family and there mucho reputation in the county that worries me. i dont know how to tell my parents that i wont break up with her and if possible we will be publicy a couple next year. I will take as much advice as possible.

Hey Theo!

Congratulations on wanting to come out! That's extremely courageous of you! (Congratulations on ten months with your girlfriend, too!) I know it can be a tough decision, but it's good that you know your friends will support you. That makes it a heck of a lot easier, especially at school!

Will you also be entering high school? Your freshman year is a good time to come out, I think, because while you will probably be with some kids from your old school, you will be introduced to many new faces as well. These new people in your life will know you as bi from day one and it won't come as much of a shock as it might if you'd known them for years. They won't have to "adjust" their perceived image of you in their heads, because they're just getting to know you.

As for your family, are they homophobic? Do you think you'd be in danger of being kicked out or anything like that if you told them? If that's the case, I would put off coming out until you're in a better position. Remember, your safety always comes first! But if you don't think that'd be an issue, I would sit down with them and calmly explain that you're bi and are currently dating a girl. Tell them that she means a lot to you and you would like to be able to be open about your relationship. Be as calm as you can and try not to get angry or defensive. They might be more likely to listen if you remain composed and explain yourself in a mature way.

You want your parents to see that your relationship is normal. So try to act casual about it. If you're not making a big deal out of it, people might be less likely to as well. This is something I talked about with my girlfriend before we came out publicly. You want to seem like every other relationship out there, because you're just as natural as every other relationship out there!

Do you think that more people are accepting of the LGBT community in your area? If that's the case, then maybe your parents don't have to worry about their reputation much. I think in general, people tend to be more understanding and more open about their own curiosities. But this really depends on where you live.

I think that as long as you're not in any danger, you should come out if you want to. I understand that having your parents' approval is a huge thing! But don't let their reputation stop you from doing what you and your girlfriend want. Give your parents some time to accept it if they need.

I hope this helps! Take care!

[Lila Daisy]

I'm actually already in highschool I started this year. I have decided to write a letter to my mom and give it to her on thanksgiving while we are at dinner. Thank you for the support the only other big support comes from my two straight best friends. I told my mom last thanksgiving that I was bi and tried to explain it but she said I was too young and acted as though I was joking. So I really hope this time it goes better.

[Disneygirl94]

Congrats for coming out! it takes courage. ALso congrats on your 10month!

[Jaguar]

Hmmm. I never advocate coming out if you don't have to until you're in an emotional and financial place to deal with negative reactions from family and friends. I know you want to be honest about who you are, to yourself as well as others, but there's nothing wrong with just keeping it your business for a while. Your mother....she probably already knows so why create a lot of tension at thanksgiving. At least wait til friday.

[Lila Daisy]

Well I just finished the letter I'm gonna give to my mom tomorrow while me and her go to dinner. Thanks support and advice it means alot. I found out that next year when my girlfriend is in highschool if all goes well I will get to go to band events with her that is a huge thing where we live... Band is more important than sports! That and she gets to see me sing a love song at our talent show which happens to be on our 11 months so yay! Wish me luck tomorrow!!!

[Disneygirl94]

Good Luck! Stay Stong!

[Lila Daisy]

Well I gave her the letter while we were eating out. We talked about all the way home and she doesn't want to stop it but doesn't want it to happen either. She doesn't want my gf and I to be public cause she doesn't want to explain to my grandma. I'm worried that I will have to break up with my gf because of my family and hers.I'm glad and not that I told my mom about her and I.

[Teddscau]

Well, if the only reason your mom doesn't want you two to go public is because of your grandma, then, oh well. It's the 21st century and your grandma needs to adapt to it. Also, should you have to break up with your girlfriend because others aren't willing to accept you two? Think about it for a second, if your friends and family would reject you just because of your sexuality, do you really want to be around them? Personally, I'd rather lose my family and friends because I showed my true self than to keep them because I've been living a lie. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

[Jaguar]

You're only 14 so you can give it time. Enjoy your gf and don't stir up trouble where you don't have to. Your grandmother probably knows already, grandparents are pretty good at guessing things like that, but she is probably too traditional to acknowledge it. So be good to her and don't force her to confront it.

[Lila Daisy]

Thanx for the advice with my grandma but I don't think I'm gonna come out to her just yet. Teddscau- yeah my grandma does need to adapt but the phrase can't teach an old dog new tricks fits her. Jaguar- im enjoying every dag on minute with my gf I can and currently am thinking ways of kissin her under the mistletoe without getting caughtby our elEmentary school principal. Heeheehee! Gonna love day b4 Christmas break!